So yesterday was the first day I have been unhappy with how my body looks since having the baby. Up until yesterday I have done a good job of not comparing my body to my pre-pregnancy body or to the body of others. And until yesterday I was fine with how I looked. I figured as long as I'm taking care of Dean, and I didn't go overboard with bad food decisions, I would be fine with how my body looks. Turns out I've made a few too many bad food decisions and I have actually gained weight since having the baby. This is the heaviest I've ever been and I'm kind of embarrassed.
We spent the weekend in Seattle for two Mariner's games and being surrounded by thousands of beautiful and trendy people it became impossible to not look at myself and compare. I'll be honest, I was incredibly disappointed. Disappointed in myself for looking the way I do. Disappointed in my food and exercise decisions. Disappointed in my lack of self control. Disappointed for comparing myself to others when I told myself not do (and hadn't for so long).
My body spent nine months working on making a baby~ the most perfect baby in the world~ so obviously it won't change back over night. I was so good about eating healthy while I was pregnant that gaining weight after the baby is nithing short of disappointing. I know my body is going to take a while to get back to how it was pre-pregnancy. It's only been nine weeks since I had Dean. These thing take time. My body is still getting used to things and I will get back to a happier weight. In the mean time I need to get my focus back on eating healthier and exercising more.
Today I am feeling better about myself, but my resolve for my body hasn't changed. While I don't like how my body looks, I have to accept it for the time being and make a conscious effort to change it. And I will change it. I absolutely will not be a mom who won't have my picture taken because I'm embarrassed of how I look. I want to look back and see myself with Dean in the first few months of his life. I want everyone else to see it too.
So there are going to be a few pictures that aren't my best, no big deal. Soon enough I'll be proud of my body. Who knows, maybe I'll work so hard my body will look BETTER than it did before. My sister has a 4 and 1 year old and she's rocking the best body she's ever had. I'm so proud of her! I want that for me too. That 5K in Seattle is coming up pretty fast and I want to be ready for it.
Dean has switched up his sleeping schedule a bit so I can sneak in some biking time in the morning before he meeds to be nursed. I look forward to pushing myself and get on track.
This weekend was a blast, despite my disappointment. I'll consider it a learning experience and move on. We had too much fun to look back on this weekend to be sad. I'll be posting about weekend soon!
Hope everyone else had a great weekend!